out of my mind

Tonight I'm overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, mad, sad and everything in between why am I so nice? Why can I never say NO!! I just can't handle this.  I want to scream into a pillow and cry!!

Let me explain this week I started watching two more kids so I have a ten year old, a 14 month old (Felicity) a 7 month old and an almost 6 month old.  I don't know why I thought I could handle it I'm freaking out my thresh hold for this many kids is not this strong. 

When I was asked to watch theses two more boys Russell said he would change his schedule to be home to help me but it just isn't enough because it is only for the first few hours in the morning or  the last few hours in the afternoon don't get me wrong anything is helpful and I am grateful for him trying to help but then that also means he has so close and doesn't get home till after 1 am and I hate being home so late alone well not completely but still...

I have the boys everyday from 830 am to 6pm and Leah still from 745 to 530 Tuesday through Thur. and all of these babies are crazy won't sleep at the same time to wake each other up and then are so grumpy and I just can't handle it.  When felicity cries it so much harder because well she's mine and she is my everything!  She cries because I am taking care of another one and it makes me so sad but I only have two hands!  I didn't think this was going to be so tramic for me but I am in tears just thinking of all of this because I want to be nice I want to help out but I am getting paid not nearly enough the two boys I'm getting paid less for them then I do Leah and I have them more and longer!! I want o scream kick and cry.  Why do I do this to me Why am I to nice??? Because she is a single mom two different dads one in prison and the other well who knows, She has a new job hopefully getting some decent pay checks soon??  Yes this is why I do this to me because I know she is struggling to pay bills but She need to be paying me a more I mean really  and50  dollars two kids all week shouldn't child support and the state be helping  with the dad in jail??  Come on really!again I don't know how to say NO!

thanks for listening well reading my vent and someone please help me...

14 Months old!

A few things Felicity has grown to love this month is:
*First -laying in the tub to splash, kick and put her face in the bubbles I get soaked bathing her!
*second- to eat rasins and chocolate milk.
* Third- dancing.. picking one foot up then the other fast and does it with music or even when she wants something.. like when her daddy gets home and she wants him to pick her up so she can give him a kiss! so cute :) 

 * Fourth- her new word is purple
*Fifth- Super Why and sesame street

I love the pack and play so that I can actually sweep and mop the floor without her getting into my pile or slipping on the floor!  Time is going way to fast!

summer trip

Friday July 1 we packed up Beth's car and took Cody to my parents house and drove 3 hours to Vernal to see our old high friend Hyrum and his family.  I was so nervous to drive so long with a one year old I didn't know what I'd want on our trip so I felt like I wanted to pack up our whole house and take it with.   



Felicity 1year old, Annabelle 2years old, Bianca 3years old

SO FUN!



 The next day headed on the next phase of our trip 9 LOOOONG HOURS to Gillette,Wyoming to visit his sister and her family.  This part of the trip was the real reason I was worried about how Felicity would do with the drive.  There was nothing too much to worry about Felicity is a great traveler!  We drove through flaming gorge and up and around beautiful mountains views to finally reach Wyoming  Flat and boring drive from there and Russell did an awesome job driving the whole way so that I could relax and take care of Felicity.    The road was basically one lane most of the time so it was slow moving.. We are not very good a leaving early or on time for the matter so we finally rolled up to Jennifer's at 9:30 pm!  I think we got finally got felicity to sleep around 10:30 or 11:00pm  it was a very long day!   



sure she had moments where we had to take a break from the car and get out and eat ice cream and play at McD

  Sunday church of course our luck it was at 9am but actually wasn't as hard to get up as I thought it would Felicity woke up earlier then I think she ever has with the light shinning and I had a stomach ache and was so miserable we only went to sacrament I sat on the couch and did absolutely nothing it was great and horrible all at the whole time!

 Felicity didn't get very good naps there so by dinner time she was so grumpy on the fourth she fell asleep super fast in the car driving a short time to where we would watch some fireworks the county was putting on.  We sat at the top of a hill which was cool because we could fireworks all over that random people were setting off even before it was all the way dark but at that time she was not liking the fireworks and it was getting windy a cold so Russ got her all bundled up and cuddling her and when they started she loved it! clapping, smiling, and pointing so I had to run and get my camera!   

 ... and a few minutes later she was sound asleep and we were even able to get her all the way home and in the pack and play without her waking up it was amazing! :)

Tuesday morning we woke up bright and early to come home this time Tracie came with us so I was able to sit in the back and entertain and take care of Felicity it was nice.  We took a different way home so it seemed faster and it was nice having different things to see.  We got home around 5pm  I am so happy to be home  I like having the mountains around :)